it's cool to be jondace

A Perfect Brightness of Hope

2011-12-11T13:40:00.001-05:00

Today we attended our "Stake Conference" which, for those who may not know, is a bi-annual meeting for all the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints congregations, or "wards," within a specific area. We get to hear talks or sermons prepared by a handful of members of the stake and counsel from our Stake leadership and a presiding "General Authority" from church headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Every single talk was outstanding and inspired me SO much to be a better disciple of Jesus Christ.

But there were two talks, in particular, that stood out to me personally; they were given by two teenagers from our Stake, a young woman and a young man, about 16-18 years old.

And it wasn't even what they said today that stood out to me.

It was simply who I could see that they were as young people: faithful, virtuous, full of integrity and a strong desire to do their Heavenly Father's will.

I couldn't help but hope that my own children would someday grow up to be like them.

My greatest, innermost yearning as a mother is for my children to come to know their Savior as their Redeemer and choose to follow Him in faith.

I want my children to be happy and I have a firm belief that a person's greatest potential for joy in this life is by following Jesus Christ.

The reason this topic is so close my heart is because we are being very challenged as parents right now, especially by our Miss Priss. She is 6 years old going on 24 and thus has us enrolled in "Parenting 505." Definitely graduate level parenting, as we often have no idea how to best handle her behavior.

She is such a strong and bright spirit and I know that if we are able to steer her in the right direction she will do amazing things with her life.

Seeing these outstanding youth gives me great hope for Miss Priss and all of my children. I just hope and pray that I am not screwing them up with all my weaknesses as a mother.

I'd like to have a good sit down with their parent's and ask what their children were like as 6 year olds...

...what I would LOVE to hear is that they, too, were challenged as their parents but that all of their best efforts to love and teach them was not in vain.

Until that meeting happens...I will continue to, as an ancient prophet, Nephi, wrote in the Book of Mormon: "...press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope..."

Hope for my precious children.

Body Love

2011-11-29T11:57:00.001-05:00

So after I have a baby I always come to a point where I get sick and tired of my unhealthiness and decide it is TIME to get serious about taking care of my body.

Today was the day for baby #4.

I am going to be posting all my stats, weekly, with the REAL numbers. I know I'm overweight, everyone else can see that, too, so who cares if everyone knows the actual numbers attached to the overweight-ness?

I just need to see progress. I don't care how little.

So here are my stats as of today, 11/29/11:
Weight: 178 lbs
Height: 5'6"
Waist: 34"
Hips: 44"
Chest: 34"
Thighs: 25"
Biceps: 12"
Neck: 14"

I will be keeping a food AND sleep journal. I also need to get serious about getting enough sleep. It's totally my fault that I'm not getting enough because Little Sis has been sleeping 6-8 hour stretches regularly. I am getting probably 6 hours of sleep every night.

I'll report my sleep numbers weekly as well.

I will be focusing first on eating well for the first month or so.

Exercise wise, I will be starting some yoga-like stretches and exercise to ease my body back into exercising.

I don't care if you care about this. I just need a place to be accountable.

I honestly don't hate my body right now; I LOVE my body and that is why I am doing this.

Ehem....

2011-11-04T19:58:00.002-04:00

....Yeah.....

If you saw a new blog come up in your reader...but then couldn't read it, here's why:

I accidentally clicked "publish" instead of "save" as a draft for a post I'm going to write. So I UN-published the post within a minute...but it still posted on FB, sent emails and went to Google Reader, LOL!!

It was something I had posted as a comment on someone elses blog and since it summed up what I wanted to post on the blog I just copied and pasted it, planning to edit it later. So, my immediate family members, you were among the "priviledged" that got to read it, since you get emails of my posts.

I promise to republish it soon!

Halloween!

2011-11-01T08:53:00.000-04:00

Cutest little tiger EVER!

Snow White doing her "teenager" pose. :)

The police officer did not realize he was standing right next to a bad guy...DARTH VADER!

Hats complete the get ups.

"I am your father."

A little Barney Fife action going on.

I would say "1, 2, 3!" before each picture and Darth Vader would start running. :)

Notice the tail. :)

Tuckered out Tiger.

A couple weeks ago our good friends, who have hosted a Halloween Party for our dental school class every year, put on a super fun Murder Mystery Halloween party, with the theme "Murder at the Circus."

The Tattooed Spectacle and The Strong Man.

The boys in character.

The girls in character. That innocent looking clown was the murderer!

Just chillin' after all the detective work was over. :)

Fun Halloween!! :)

Today

2011-10-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Since I've gotten a few "MORE PICTURES PLEASE!" requests...here's a little glimpse of our today!

So sleepy getting ready to be swaddled.

Sleep Smiles!

Since Lil' Sis is a spitter...this is her "bed" for now!

This binky is AWESOME!

I just swaddle her up and pop this binky in and she can usually put herself to sleep!!
She's been an excellent sleeper so far, YAY!!

Poor Mr. SweetSweet...he is banished behind the gate while I feed Lil' Sis...
...he just can't resist bugging her and ME when it's feeding time!

He's gotten a lot better about the screaming by the gate...
I think it has something to do with the fruit snack he gets when it's time for Lil' Sis to eat!
(Shhh! Don't tell his dentist! :)

Yep, that's a cloth diaper! We use about 50% cloth, 50% disposable and it saves us $$$!
Plus, they're cute! And since we've already been using them with Mr. SweetSweet for about a year
it's not a big deal adding them to his load of diapers.

"What are you doing, Mom?"

This is a smile...really! :)

Sweet girl.

Again...this really is a smile.

We love our pretty girl!

Can't forget Miss Priss!

...Or Mr. Squish...who is VERY excited about the SIX packages we got from Amazon.com today!
I was excited, too!! :)

Thanks for hanging out with us for the day!
:)

Precious and Dear

2011-10-12T15:43:00.001-04:00

I posted this on Facebook today but thought my blog was also an appropriate place to write this as well!

I am not usually this bold on Facebook but with all of the controversy and misinformation circulating about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I feel the need, as a member of this church, to let all of my friends know a few of the things that I believe:

-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is founded by Jesus Christ himself and He is the head of the church.

-Joseph Smith was a prophet who was called by God, the Father, and Jesus Christ to RESTORE Christ's church upon the earth today, just as it was organized when Christ lived on the earth.

- Just as God called prophets throughout the ages to lead His people, there is a LIVING prophet on the earth TODAY, and he leads the church by inspiration directly from Jesus Christ. His name is Thomas S. Monson.

-The Book of Mormon is an equal, complementary companion to the Bible and is the word of God. It is the inspired, abridged record of God's dealings with the people of the Ancient Americas compiled by an ancient prophet named Mormon.

-I know that anyone can know for THEMSELVES if these things are true, through study and prayer. This is how I came to know that these things are true.

I invite everyone to read the Book of Mormon and to pray if it is true. IF the Book of Mormon is true, and I firmly believe it is, then it stands to reason that Joseph Smith WAS a prophet of God and all the teachings of Jesus Christ that he restored to the earth are true.

If the Book of Mormon is NOT true...then The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is one of the biggest and most elaborate hoaxes of all time and I, along with the approximately 14 million members of this church, are in trouble!!

Again, I invite all to find out for YOURSELF. I welcome any and all questions any of you may have about my faith. I have answered more questions about the church here: http://mormon.org/me/1HBZ/Candace/

**It is not my intention, in making these statements, to offend or criticize anyone's beliefs! I respect all of your varied beliefs! BUT since my faith in Jesus Christ and His church is the center of my life, directs all the choices I make and has brought so much joy and peace to my life...and thus is very dear and precious to me...it would be very selfish of me to keep this knowledge to myself!**

Heaven on Earth: Part II

2011-09-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I left off at the "plan" of natural labor induction methods I had researched.

(Read "Heaven on Earth Part I" of my birth story if you haven't read it or need a refresher)

So, I think it is safe to say I had PREPARED for this birth. I felt very optimistic that the plan would work, IF my body was ready. My midwife and doctor had approved of me starting this plan at home 8 hours before my scheduled induction. I had the castor oil and blue cohosh purchased (and the orange juice concentrate and grape juice to hide the taste with of both), the breast pump rented and a detailed, hour-by-hour plan thought out. I would also go in the day before to check my cervix and see if it was even ripe enough to try these things at home. And the midwife would also strip my membranes.

Okay, so there's the not-so-basic background to set the stage for the actual birth. I know it's a lot of background...but trust me...it is necessary to fully appreciate this birth story.

So Monday morning I went to get checked. I was dilated to 2 1/2 cm, was about 50% effaced and the cervix was in the "mid" position (posterior means not ready, mid is almost ready, anterior is definitely ready) which made me very happy! The midwife started to strip my membranes and said, "Wow, I just stretched you to 3 cm! It might not stay a 3 though." She WENT TO TOWN stripping those membranes for about 5 minutes! Can't say it was a comfortable experience but it wasn't that big of a deal either. She got some "bloody show" from doing the stripping (HEY: if you want a birth story...you're gonna get a birth story...bloody show and all!) . The midwife offered to strip them again that evening at 6:00 pm and I accepted the offer!

I left the midwives office feeling menstrual cramp-y, which is normal, and headed to the chiropractors office for a pre-labor adjustment. I did this before Mr. SweetSweet's birth and think it was helpful in getting all the bones involved in birthing in alignment. Plus, it just feels nice! I also opted to get the 15 minute massage, which was HEAVENLY, as I was still feeling pretty crampy. The massage therapist pushed on my tail bone and hip bones and it did WONDERS in relieving the cramping!

After my adjustment I wonder if I should skip my injection of Lovenox for the morning, with all the cramping going on. My doc told me that it I felt like I might go into labor and it was near the time of one of my doses, I should just skip it. The closer the time of delivery is to your last dose of Lovenox, the higher your chance of bleeding out. So I called Jonathan to run it by him and decide to skip the injection.

I also wanted to check off a few other errands that morning: hair cut (overdue by 8 MONTHS!!), pedicure, lunch, Walmart. I hadn't made an appointment for the hair or nails so I just kept an eye out for some places on my way to the chiropractor. Low and behold, there was a hair place right next to the chiropractors office! I went in before my adjustment, asked if they took walk-ins, and scheduled a haircut for about an hour later, PERFECT! I love getting my haircut. I could fall asleep. :)

So I walk out of the hair place and am wondering where I am going to get the pedicure. I look back at the shopping center and....LOW AND BEHOLD...there is a nail place two doors down! Yahoo! So my toenails got pretty. That's a pre-baby tradition for me. :)

I walk out of the nail salon HUNGRY and....LOW AND BEHOLD....there is an authentic Mexican food resturant, right next door! Heck yes! I order a combination plate but am not able to get through much of it. My cramping is feeling more...crampy...more often. I get a to-go box and wonder if I should still stop at Walmart.

I decide, YES. Mr. Squish desperately needs Pull-ups, Miss Priss needs a present for her friends party on Friday, etc. So to Walmart I go. It is hard for me to walk, just because I feel so much pressure in my nether regions, plus I'm just tried. So I hobble my way through my Walmart trip.

When I get home, around 2:00 pm, I know I NEED a nap. So I try for a nap and listen to my "Fear Clearing" hypnosis script, which just helps you eliminate any specific fears you have surrounding your birth. I didn't get much sleep, though, during that hour of rest. I noticed I was having contractions probably 10 minutes apart. I took a shower and decided it would probably be a good idea to finish packing my hospital bag.

By the time 5:30 pm rolls around we are seriously wondering what the evening has in store for us! My contractions are getting a little more regular and stronger. We decide to go to the midwife's office, anyway, since she'd be able to check my progress, in addition to stripping the membranes again. We call our wonderful friend and neighbor, Rachel, and ask if we can drop our kids off. She is awesome and takes them for us.

I had about 3 contractions on the 15 minute drive to the midwife's office. Fairly strong. At the midwife's she is surprised to discover I am dilated to 4 1/2 cm, 70% effaced. She goes to town again with her stripping (more uncomfortable this time).

On the way home I remember thinking, as I was having quite a few strong contractions, "Oh man! I don't want to have to drive home and then drive back again if I'm feeling like this already!" But we did get home, I tried to "rest" again and started actually timing contractions using this nifty website and Jonathan picked up the kids and put them to bed (by the way, he is the MASTER of getting the kids ready for bed in record time!).

By the end of my hour long "rest" time (aka trying to focus on listening to my "Easy First Stage" birthing script, draping myself over the birthing ball, going pee, rocking on my hands and knees, etc.) I knew that my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and IT WAS TIME to go!! Jonathan called Rachel again to come sit with our kids and I hobbled to the car and waited with my seat reclined for her to get there so we could GO! This was around 7:30 pm.

If you asked Jonathan what our car ride to the hospital was like...he would say something like, "She was making me NERVOUS!" In the car I discovered a trick that distracted me from the contractions and this distraction came in the form of a low, long and LOUD "Ahhhh" sound through the duration of each contraction. It was really helpful and I didn't care how it sounded at the time. IT WORKED. Plus, I had read in an excellent book on birthing by a world renowned midwife that whatever is happening at your top "end" (your mouth and throat) is happening at your bottom end (you don't need words to know what this means). Meaning if your jaw and throat are relaxed and open your bottom will be relaxed and open and vice versa. So I was RELAXED and OPEN!

But I understand why Jonathan was nervous, since I probably only had a minute or so break between each "Ahhhh" contraction on the 20 minute drive to the hospital. Plus, I was feeling LOTS of pressure down there and wondered if the baby's head was already in the birth canal!! (But I kept this to myself, which, when Jonathan learned this, he was grateful I had kept to myself.)

I knew I wouldn't be able to walk up to L&D so Jonathan brought the car around the front, very calmly walked in, told the front desk lady he "thought his wife was in labor" and was quickly shown where the wheelchairs were. We set off for L&D triage. I was NOT very happy at the triage lady who MADE me change into a hospital gown!! I had purposefully worn a skirt so I wouldn't have to change...but whatever...I changed uncomfortably in the bathroom and hobbled to my triage bed.

I was checked and was dilated to 6 1/2 cm. WOW! We quickly let them know I was Group B Strep positive so they could get my antibiotics going. They had to stick me three times before they could set an IV. Meanwhile, I was sitting with my legs in the "butterfly" position and "Ahhhhh-ing" my way through each contraction, while also listening to my "Easy First Stage Birthing Guide" with my headphones on my mp3 player. I told them I would like a room with a birthing tub, like I was able to have with Mr. SweetSweet's birth, but was informed that they were SUPER busy (it was a full moon and the nurses SWEAR full moon's bring out the baby's!!) and all of their tub rooms were taken. BUMMER!!! I had really looked forward to using a tub again.

It was quite apparent they were busy because we waited in triage for 1 1/2 hours before a room was ready for us! By that time I was hardly getting a break between each contraction and was DESPERATE to be able to get off the IV and monitor so I could MOVE into positions that were more comfortable!! Jonathan was my ROCK through each contraction, holding onto my forehead as I tried to lean forward and relax as much as possible into each contraction. He said he was sore from having to do that for 1 1/2 hours. Bless his heart! :)

Finally a room was ready for me! As I am being wheeled to my room I remembered another "tip" I had read from the childbirth book: if you laugh and smile through contractions it releases endorphins, which are your body's natural pain killers. So, I shamelessly started trying to laugh and smile through each contraction!

WOOHOO! Wouldn't it have been great to get that on camera?!! Me, sitting in the butterfly position, with headphones on, laughing (which probably sounded pretty creepy), while being wheeled on a bed through the halls. But I am sure L&D has SEEN IT ALL.

So we get to the room and I quickly move onto the bed and, kneeling, I drape myself over the back of the raised head of the bed. I felt soooo much relief in this position!! I was able to just let my belly relax forward and do it's work and I could relax more completely the rest of my body. It was probably after about 5 minutes that, through a contraction, I felt a tiny urge to push. The next contraction came soon after that with a POWERFUL urge to push that I could not fight! And through that contraction my water BURST open onto the bed! I hadn't realized my water hadn't broken yet! Another powerful contraction or two and.....OUR BABY GIRL WAS BORN!! I love the pushing contractions. They are so powerful and overwhelming. They don't hurt to me and they feel SO good to push through. And supposedly, when you push out the placenta, you will never feel a greater surge in your oxytocin levels, which is quite a euphoric feeling!

And now the story has come full circle, from my first post, where Jonathan discovers that we have a new DAUGHTER!

**Post labor thoughts: I still credit my Hypnobabies "training" to this being a fast, relatively easy birth. I didn't tear again, which was AWESOME! So I know that I was able to relax more than if I hadn't learned the Hypnobabies techniques.

BUT, this birth was NOT as comfortable to get through as Mr. SweetSweet's birth and I know why: I wasn't able to follow my body's natural urges to change position, in order to give myself relief!! And why was that? Because I was strapped to a monitor and an IV through all of my hard labor, things I wanted to avoid in the first place. But I don't think it could have been avoided this time, just with how all the timing worked out. I was only in active labor for 4-5 hours, and I needed to at least TRY to get those IV antibiotics in me, so it was necessary. But I made it through and it was still manageable, thanks to the relaxation I had practiced and the self educating I had done.

And I actually don't mind feeling the full power of birth. I feel it just makes my emotions AFTER the birth that much more powerful, just because of what I have gone through to get my baby there. You know, the whole "tasting the bitter to prize the sweet." Quite literal in birthing without medication. I am glad, however, that I get a couple years of a "break" before I go through it again. Because as wonderful and powerful of an experience as it is...I wouldn't want to do it every day. :)

One HUGE tender mercy I feel I was given for this labor was one I didn't realize until the next day: I had taken my last dose of Lovenox at approximately 10:00 pm the evening before she was born. I had skipped the 10:00 am dose that morning. She was born at 10:02 pm, exactly 24 hours after my last dose!! That had been the whole goal of inducing me early and...it had still happened! I feel that Heavenly Father had helped me in having an almost intervention-free birth, while still having the Lovenox safely out of my system, both things which were important to me.

Funny that my actual "birth story" could have been really short, compared to what I've just put you all through. But, like I said, I feel you can't fully appreciate and see the irony of what actually happened unless you know everything leading up to it.

So, now you know "the rest of the story."

THE END.

First Few Days Home

2011-09-22T20:35:00.000-04:00

**Executive decision to change Cupcake's blog name to "Lil' Sis"**

Okay, so I know I'm not doing a very good job finishing my birth story...but I don't think you'd understand something like this:

"So the next thing that happened with Lil' Sis' birth is
qjj-923-01=i2dj2qjipoj3ipjjgvnoapqijerkijok54gtrijokmlkp24T09J4IOGRNNK3iugrtshupinjwgtriunjgerainjgernjrgineargnjsfvdnjgeranjaergnjrgeapoinreagnjlkaergnjagerpoin3RO[INZCXNJCM qejoi2r30934t"

Uh....what?

Above is an excerpt of what I am capable of writing right now.....a few lines.....and then my head crashes on the keyboard because I am currently on a strict every-two-hours-around-the-clock feeding schedule for Lil' Sis, since she needs lots of help gaining back to her birth weight. So that means after her feedings, which take an hour to complete with changing diaper(s), burping, spitting up, bottle and breastfeeding....I have an hour of sleep before I get to do it all over again. YEAH. I am beyond tired.

So..."the rest of the story" WILL come...but you'll just have to be a tiny bit patient.

THANKS!

But here are some picture of the first few days home to enjoy! I can do that. :)

Going home! In her "gender neutral" outfit.

A warm welcome from the big sister and brothers!

Mr. SweetSweet opening his gift "from" Lil' Sis. :)

A glow worm! I got a glow worm from my parent's when my 2nd brother was born. :)

First thing he does it share it with his little sister! CUTE.

Mr. Squish's present from Lil' Sis.

Present for Miss Priss.

The much coveted "shirt with a necklace on it" that all her 1st grade friends have. She has LOVED it!!

Cute little car race track! I love finding wooden toys.

Mr. SweetSweet gave his sister this car to "play" with. :)

Lil' Sis with her "Bili Blanket" to bring down those darn bilirubin levels!! She was on it for 3 days.

It was a pain-in-the-rear to keep her hooked up to it 24/7....

....BUT I am very grateful she didn't have lay on a bed...so I could still snuggle her!

To Hold You Over...

2011-09-18T13:38:00.000-04:00

Heaven on Earth: Part I

2011-09-17T22:42:00.001-04:00

I love this picture. Is it flattering, aesthetics-wise? Nope. But it is REAL. The real, raw beauty of bringing a child into the world. When I look at it I see pure joy and I wouldn't want it to look any different. I have come a long way in loving and accepting my body for the miracle it truly is, AS IS. This one picture is truly worth a thousand words, to me.

The world and our family received a 7 lbs 1 oz, 20.5 inch piece of Heaven on Monday, September 12 at 10:02 pm with the birth of our sweet baby GIRL!!!

(If you’d like to know what we chose for her name then send me a message on Facebook…I think her blog name will be one Miss Priss has been calling her: Cupcake. It may change…)

Jonathan discovered the gender first since I pushed her out on my knees…so I was facing backwards from the whole “scene” and I am so happy he saw her first.

The moment he announced “It’s a GIRL!!” was one that only Heaven has words wonderful enough for…‘Cause I don’t have them.

Keeping her gender a surprise was one of the best decisions we made for this pregnancy. I don’t regret finding out with our other children at all. But this time…it was totally, completely worth the wait. SO fun. I recommend it. :-)

And now on to what everyone is REALLY reading this post for: THE BIRTH STORY.

Am I right?!! I LOVE a good birth story and I’m pretty sure others do too…so here ya go…and it’s gonna be long and laborious (pun intended :)…so BUCKLE UP:

So I was scheduled to be induced (due this THIS fiasco) on Tuesday. I had worked out a very nice “compromise” with my midwife and the maternal fetal medicine doctor I saw during my pregnancy for the induction that I was comfortable with. I did a TON of research on natural induction methods, in the hopes that I could avoid Pitocin.

Why no Pitocin? The semi-short answer is that I hoped to avoid the risks associated with using Pitocin (for example uterine rupture) and also the other interventions that come “standard” with using Pitocin at the hospital I chose to give birth at, namely continuous fetal monitoring and IV fluids.

And now you may be asking “Why not?” for those interventions: Because they would really restrict my ability to move freely into the positions that I would instinctively want to get into to be more comfortable as I went through the birth. (TUCK THAT LAST SENTENCE AWAY FOR LATER ON, OKAY?)

By the way, I prepared for this birth using the Hypnobabies “method” of hypnosis for childbirth. I used Hypnobabies with MUCH success and satisfaction for Mr. SweetSweet’s birth and was SO excited to use again for this birth!! I felt very empowered in the decisions I made for this birth because of the excellent birthing education I received through Hypnobabies.

Short story: I LOVE HYPNOBABIES. THE END. :-)

So back to my natural labor induction methods research. I was directed to a wonderful midwife in Arizona who had an AWESOME, detailed plan of how to use a handful of natural inductions methods to induce labor. It included castor oil, blue cohosh, nipple stimulation, walking, hot showers and I added hypnosis and essential oils to the list. One thing I would have loved to use, due to the great research I found on it, was acupuncture. BUT, with me being on an anti-coagulant AND being pregnant…it wasn’t going to happen.

…and this concludes Part I of the “Heaven on Earth” post. I have WAY too much to write to get it finished in “one fell swoop” so forgive me for doing it in segments! I also need to feed a hungry baby who I need to grow this weekend to get her back to birth weight. :-)

Until next time…

Innocence

2011-09-11T21:47:00.004-04:00

A tiny portion of my six year old’s innocence was taken away today.

She saw a glimpse of the reality of the world she is growing up in.

I was watching this YouTube clip this afternoon and she came up behind and watched for awhile.

Then she asked, “What is this about?”

I hadn’t decided if I even wanted to talk with her about the significance of today…but I couldn’t brush off this question.

So I told her, “10 years ago today some very bad men flew airplanes into some buildings and killed a lot of people.”

She walked away but a few minutes later I walked into the living room and saw that she had been crying.

I asked her what was wrong and she said, “Is that going to happen to us?”

Jonathan and I proceeded to explain that she was safe had no need to worry. We explained why when we fly on airplanes we go through “security” where they make sure that no bad men can fly on airplanes anymore.

Reflecting on this exchange makes me sad. Sad for her and her innocence.

I actually recall being about the same age when I heard about the Gulf War starting. And I remember being really worried that Saddam Hussein would fly over my house and drop bombs.

Six year olds should NOT have to worry about ANYTHING like this.

I wish I could shield her from reality for just a little longer.

I am raising children in a completely different world then I was raised in.

That world began on this day, 10 years ago.

I must not be afraid of this world. I can allow the reality of this world to instead help me cling more fiercely to my faith in God and His power over evil.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7

First day of 1st grade

Our Family Today!

2011-09-04T21:46:00.001-04:00

My cute family after church today!
I am just about 37 weeks.
Only 9 more days until D-day
and we get to meet our baby!!
We are excited and READY. :)

Is it okay that I think my kids are the most adorable in the world?!!
Miss Priss-6, Mr. SweetSweet- 21 months, Mr. Squish-4

I am one blessed woman. :)

Thoughts on This Pregnancy...

2011-07-24T22:16:00.000-04:00

I just finished writing an email to my lovely friend, Miss Emily Ricks, and then remembered that I haven't written about all the "excitement" this pregnancy has brought! So, I hope Emily will forgive me, but I've pretty much copied and pasted what I wrote to her here:

So this pregnancy has been the most wonky of them all! It's been really weird to have a "problem" pregnancy, after three completely healthy, normal ones. It all came about after having constant pain in my calf for a few days. From my nursing school days, I knew pregnant women are more prone to blood clots and knew that calf pain is one of the warning signs. SO I reported this to my doc and they told me to watch for any redness or swelling in that area. And also if I experienced any sudden onset of shortness of breath and/or heart palpitations that I should go to the ER.

So Mother's Day Sunday, right after we sat down in the chapel for Sacrament Meeting, all of sudden it got harder to breathe and I could feel my heart pounding. Went out to the foyer and had Jonathan get a med student and a medical resident to do a little foyer "consult" and they both felt it would be best to go get it checked out at the ER. One of them said he and his wife would handle our kids for us.

So after 9 hours in the ER, which included blood tests and an MRI, found that I did indeed have a few smaller blood clots in my lungs. I stayed a few days in the hospital and got started on a blood thinning medication called Lovenox. I haven't experienced anything like that since starting the meds. I inject it two times a day in my belly, rotating sides. My belly is nice and bruised, after two months of injections! But I have now found the (ONLY) upside to stretch marks: The injections tend to hurt LESS when I inject through them! :) So the injections haven't been a big deal.

The biggest issue this has brought up, for me, is having a medical indication to be induced. Again, after three spontaneous births and knowing that my body does VERY well all on it's own...it's been a hard "pill" for me to swallow, having to approach this delivery in a different way. I don't argue the legitimacy of needing to induce; bleeding out is a VERY scary risk of delivering while on the blood thinning medication. But...it's still been hard to come to terms with this. I have done LOTS of research and consulting with different medical professionals and have a pretty good plan in place that I feel comfortable with. I will stop taking the blood thinners and then about 18 hours later will start implementing a plan I got from a 30 year midwife of natural induction methods. I will do this at home for 8 hours prior to my scheduled hospital induction. This allows for enough time for the blood thinners to get out of my system. I am hoping this plan will get things going and feel good about trying this first.

I would LOVE to avoid pitocin, if at all possible, because with pitocin comes a bunch of other interventions (being strapped to the fetal monitoring continuously, IV fluids, being put on a 12 hour "time table," etc.) that will greatly limit my options for birthing comfortably and with the least amount of interventions as necessary.

I realize that to many people my issues with inducing may seem overly dramatic but this has really been a big deal for me. My sweet sister-in-law, Allison, told me something that was really comforting: She said that even if this may not be important to other people it is important to ME and thus it is important to Heavenly Father. I really feel like Heavenly Father has been aware of my struggles and concerns and has directed me in finding ways to help me feel at peace about this. So....baby will be arriving at 38 weeks, around September 13th!

And the gender is a surprise! It's been fun to do that this time! We think it's a boy though. :)

So...now I have that down for posterity.

The beauty of copy and paste.

Making Memorial Day Important

2011-05-30T23:52:00.003-04:00

What comes to mind for you when you think of Memorial Day?

To be honest, I usually think of a 3-day weekend and BBQ’s.

But when our Miss Priss asked me, “What do we DO on Memorial Day?”, it made me really stop and think.
We decided that this Memorial Day it was important to teach our children what it is we are really celebrating.

Thanks to a tip from a friend we found out about a really well done Memorial Day event at a huge cemetery in downtown Indy.

This cemetery houses the mortal remains of President Benjamin Harrison and many fallen soldiers from Indiana, all the way from the Civil War to the present day.

It was near record temperatures (91 degrees, 63% humidity!)
but we're glad we braved the weather anyway.

Miss Priss at the Confederate Memorial, prisoners of war
captured in Indiana during the Civil War.

This area was set up a lot like Arlington National Cemetery.
These are some of the fallen war heroes of World War I.

Setting up our picnic lunch while we waited for the
Indiana National Guard Band to play some patriotic tunes.

A huge shade tree and a tiny breeze helped us stay somewhat cool.

Lots of sticks and dirt kept the kids busy to at least stay for the band
and the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance portion of the program.

So it’s not like our trip was a smashing success…the kids got pretty hot, tired, sweaty and cranky…but we are glad we took the extra effort to plant the seed of patriotism in our children.

…Miss Priss learned to put her hand over her heart and show respect when the National Anthem is sung or played and the Pledge of Allegiance recited.

…Our children were exposed to great patriotic music.

…We were able to teach gratitude and respect for those who have sacrificed and risked their lives to protect our freedoms.

…We had a great Family Home Evening discussion where we explained the meaning of the words in the Pledge of Allegiance and the story behind “The Star Spangled Banner.” Our family goal is to have those memorized by this year’s 4th of July!

…And Miss Priss can now tell you what we DO on Memorial Day…and she won’t even know to mention a 3-day weekend and BBQ’s.

Simple Family Fun

2011-05-30T23:03:00.001-04:00

Amazing how much fun you can have with just an empty church parking lot,

PB sandwiches and other picnic staples and lots of sticks!

Little boys never really grow up in some ways….

Teaching our children some important skills with a magnifying glass…

I am so proud.

STICKS. The little boy’s most basic and loved toy!

Real Life Love

2011-03-06T22:22:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Jonathan and I celebrated 7 wonderful years of marriage! It was definitely one of our less “glamorous” anniversaries but wonderful nonetheless.

It actually reminded me of what went down when we got married!

You see, this is me just THREE short days before we got married:

My face says it all: I was SICK. And sick as I’d ever been with MONO! This picture was taken after I tried on my wedding dress to make sure everything fit right…and needless to say…the process wore me out.

The mono caused me to get jaundiced, so my eyes were yellowish.

I got one of the RARE side effects of the mono: a rash all over my chest, shoulders and back.

You can kind of see it in this picture:

REAL fun for a bride already nervous about her wedding night!!!

To top it all off my tonsils were so nastily swollen that I snored like a bear on our wedding night and had the most evil breath ever.

We didn’t get to go on our honeymoon because I was so sick.

So you would think that all of this would add up to a disaster of a wedding, right?

But it wasn’t. It was all right. We were together!!

So last’s night’s scenario was a bit similar:

I’ve been pretty nauseated lately & my arm where some blood was drawn last week has gotten super inflamed and quite painful, plus my throat had just started to hurt, with the flu or something — so I wasn’t feeling so hot.

I hadn’t taken a shower since Wednesday because of getting so lightheaded from standing up for too long –- so I didn’t look so hot.

Our house has gotten pretty cluttered from me being out of commission for while --- so the house didn’t look so hot.

So it was a recipe for an anniversary celebration disaster, right?

Nope. It wasn’t.

It was wonderful!

Wonderful because I married a wonderful guy who was able to look past the grubbiness of my current state and see the bride he married (who wasn’t too different, now that I think about it. HA!) He is so good to me and treats me better than I deserve.

We fed the kids mac n’ cheese and Jonathan gave baths while I started cooking up a meal for just the two of us --- Chicken Wraps w/ a creamy Asian peanut sauce --- VERY yummy!

After the kids were in bed Jonathan started playing a mix of love songs he compiled for me and we danced in the kitchen --- while I cried!!!

Being sick AND pregnant was a double whammy for my emotions last night! And since I am a “words of affirmation” kind of girl every time a new song came on, which were ALL dedicated to me, I. Lost. It.

But it was wonderful. So wonderful that I had to have Jonathan turn off the mix so I wouldn’t be crying the whole evening!!

I told him, “This just means that I REALLY like it.” :)

As I looked around our cluttered kitchen I was struck with this thought, which I expressed to Jonathan:

“All of this clutter just means that our home is filled with life! *tears* And that life came all because we fell in love!” **more tears**

And my dad reminded me that my “body clutter” I’m experiencing is also because it is filled with life. Also because of love.

Real life love.

A Planned Surprise

2011-02-25T22:34:00.001-05:00

…which is code for…

There’s another adorable Evans baby on the way!

Yes, it is true!

Yes, it was planned!

Yes, it was a surprise!

Confused?

“Let me explain….No, there is too much…Let me sum up.”

The “original plan” for Evans baby #4 was for AFTER we finished dental school.

But then in December we thought I may be pregnant (which I wasn’t) but this opened the door to being “okay” with having a baby earlier than expected.

So…the seed was planted in the mind of this Mama.

Not to mention that Mr. SweetSweet has been such a delight that he is not very good birth control.

So we made the decision to invite a new spirit into our family…on purpose this time!

And we have been so abundantly blessed with ZERO fertility problems that Baby #4 accepted our invitation in a very prompt manner.

So I am now 10ish weeks along with an estimated time of arrival being near the end of September (my birthday, September 26th, would be fun!).

I have been moderately nauseated but am hoping this pregnancy follows suit with the others, which all cut the nausea crap around 13 weeks. (PLEASE??!)

Miss Priss is ecstatic!!!! (!!!!!!)

Mr. Squish is still processing it.

Mr. SweetSweet, of course, doesn’t have a clue. But he can say baby (“bah-bah”), so it’s a start.

Mr. Evans is “anxiously excited.”

I concur with Mr. Evans.

And that is the best I can “sum up.”

Christmas Morning 2010!

2010-12-25T13:44:00.000-05:00

This free scrapbook design generated with Smilebox

Fall Family Pictures!

2010-11-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

Aleece, our budding photog friend, took these amazing pictures of our family at one of our favorite fall spots in Indy. We are so delighted with the results!! ENJOY!

THANK YOU

THANK YOU,

Aleece!!!!

Earning My Badge

2010-10-02T22:56:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone!

Do something for me?

Scroll down just a bit and look at the "badge" thingy on the left right below my "About Me."

Click on it. Please?

Ya back?? Cool website, huh?!

I really have "earned" that badge. You see I suffered from Postpartum Anxiety after my 1st and 2nd children. With my first it was much more severe and I didn't recognize a problem for about 7 weeks. I just thought I was a new mom and so I was, of course, anxious.

But then I could reason with myself after about 7 weeks. I'd think, "Okay, Candace, everything is FINE. Your daughter is doing great, you are doing great now. Jonathan is doing great. So why do you wake up filled with feelings of DREAD (when you can actually sleep, that is)? Why don't you want to eat anything? Why is it that your chest feels tight and you feel like you can't get a deep breath in?"

Jonathan noticed something wasn't right so he brought it up one night and we both agreed I needed to see a doctor about it. So I did and after trying a couple medicines felt like my old self again and loved being my daughters mommy!

2nd baby: 6 weeks postpartum started to have racing, intrusive, obsessive thoughts and that same tightness in the chest. This time I nipped it in the bud after a couple weeks and started the same meds, did some cognitive behavioral therapy with a counselor, began exercising regularly and eating well. I felt great!

So what about baby #3? Any of the same stuff postpartum, you ask? Still get to keep your "badge"?

YEP! Not a lick of postpartum anxiety. Hurray!

(I have to enter a big BUT here now.....but you saw that coming, though, didn't you?)

But, let's talk about my 3rd pregnancy, shall we?

Let me set the stage: We have just started the 2nd semester of our first year of dental school and it is still HARD but better, since we've now adjusted. We feel like it really is time to invite another spirit into our home and are definitely a little fearful but our faith outweighs our fear that we are doing the right thing. We get pregnant in February. I am MUCH more physically sick this time, with daily headaches, all day nausea and just blah for the first trimester. First trimester ends and I am feeling MUCH better physically! People at church ask how I'm feeling and I answer, "Fine."

But inside I am screaming, "But not really!!!! I hurt inside!!!!!!!!! Can you just see it without me having to tell you?" No one, except my husband, knows. Because when you're feeling awful inside....it's hard to talk about openly in the moment it's going on. (I'm GREAT about doing it after!!! See, look at me!! :)

After a few weeks Jonathan and I can see that something is not right. But these are totally new feelings for me! What is wrong?!!

So I do a little online research......some of my symptoms include wanting to sleep and eat all the time; little to no interest in things I used to love (including, but not limited to, music, intimacy, social events, reading); irritable and easily angered; guilty about what I'm doing to my children and my marriage in submitting them to this; and worst of all, for me: Emptiness. Not sadness or crying. Just numb and empty. I despise that feeling. I would rather feel SOMETHING than nothing.

I self-diagnosed myself with "antepartum depression" (depression during pregnancy). It really surprised me that I was depressed! I am not a depressed person! The anxiety fit me much better but this was definitely different, not anxiety. It was depression.

So at my next prenatal appointment I talked to the midwife about it. I didn't want to take the medicine I had used before (Wellbutrin) while I was pregnant, since it is a "Category C" (which means not enough studies have been done to show if it harms the baby), so I agreed to try Zoloft first. It is a "Category B," and much more commonly used in pregnant and nursing women. I also am given the phone number for a Perinatal Mood Disorder Specialist who is a nationally recognized expert on the subject and happens to work at an Indianapolis hospital. So I am feeling hopeful that I will get better.

Except.....Zoloft does NOT work for me! If you look up the side effects of Zoloft.....I experienced pretty much every one of the most common ones. NOT fun. I called the OB office after taking it for 4 weeks and asked if I could stop. They said to wean over a weeks time so I did.

During this time I also had an appointment with the specialist, which was helpful in reassuring me that I was not crazy and this was more common than I was aware of. I discussed my issues with Zoloft with her and wondered outloud if I should just take the Wellbutrin, since I knew it worked for me. She told me that it was a personal decision but if I felt the benefits of taking the medicine outweighed the risks of NOT taking it (babies growing inside depressed mothers are affected by it!) than maybe I should try it. I knew I needed to make it a matter of research and prayer and discussion with my husband, which we did, and we felt good about trying Wellbutrin.

It worked! I was feeling close to normal again within a few weeks! I stayed on it during the rest of my pregnancy and continued after the delivery. My postpartum recovery soon after was great!

So I should get to earn my "I Survived Postpartum Depression" badge (or in my case antepartum depression...but they don't have one for that....they should....), right??!

Well, I know I WILL earn it eventually; hope is one thing I have.

But I haven't survived it yet.

A few months ago I had a big relapse.

Weird, right? Well, no, not really.

Postpartum depression can strike anytime during the first year of your baby's life. And it struck me around 7 months postpartum, after I thought everything was going to be fine.

It wasn't terrible but it was there. I knew I wasn't 100%. Some days were better but some days were MUCH worse.

I have come to learn from past experience and probably the cognitive behavioral therapy, though, what is normal for me and what is not. I can usually "observe" myself from "a far", so to speak, and see that there is a problem that needs fixing.

SO I went to work. I was still on medicine but still needed more help so I decided to seek out other resources, like the peritnatal mood disorders support group that the specialist organized. Tried that out and.....just wasn't for me. Group settings just aren't my thing.

So what next? Maybe one-on-one counseling? But I didn't want to go to just anyone....I really wanted one who took into account my faith, an LDS counselor. So I got in touch with the LDS Family Services office here in Indy. They were full but referred me to an LDS counselor they contracted out to. I called her. Set up an appointment and.....

.....my hope and healing has multiplied by a thousand times over the last month or so of visiting with her!!! She is amazing, and a perfect fit for my situation and personality. She uses a manual published by the LDS church called the "Addiction Recovery Program" for my therapy.

I know what you're thinking: "Um, but Candace you are depressed not addicted to something."

And you would be right. It is different but not really. Look at page 5 of the manual but instead put in the word "depression" in the place of "addiction." It still fits, right? But to take it a step further....I could venture to say that I am "addicted" to depression. I am powerless to over come it on my own.

That is where the atonement of Jesus Christ has stepped into my life more than ever before. Because remember: Yes, he most certainly suffered for our sins. But he also suffered for our pains, our heartaches, our sorrows. Really. He did. And what I have learned this past month is that he meant what he said and he meant it to be for ME when he said,

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Yep, even postpartum depression.

Yep, medicine is often necessary to help correct chemical imbalances and I am SO grateful for that.

But a much deeper healing is taking place inside me now.

Through my Savior who knows me and loves me and will take my burdens away IF I give them to Him.

Guess I'm not going to earn that badge....on my own, that is.

A Head

2010-08-29T23:14:00.000-04:00

Compared the kids' heights today...

The boys are a head taller/shorter than each other...

Miss Priss is a head taller than Mr. Squish...

And they are all ahead in being the cutest kids in the universe! :)

You're Great Aunt Kate

2010-08-29T22:35:00.001-04:00

My mom's sister, Katie, recently moved within 4 hours of us to be close to her fiancée, Brad, and we just HAD to make a trip to visit with her and meet Brad! So we planned a Saturday and met half-way in Fort Wayne, IN. We had planned on meeting at the zoo but it was rainy so we re-routed to a local bowling alley. Here's our fun little trip in pictures!

Mr. Squish warming up to Aunt Katie.

Just took a little gum from Aunt Katie and he warmed right up! :)

We did actually bowl a little....but it was secondary to visiting & passing around Mr. SweetSweet.

Cute lil' size 7 bowling shoes!

Yay for P.D.A. in bowling shoes!

Miss Priss is the queen of self-portraits! I love her eye lashes and dimples in this one.

Notice the cute features of Mr. Squish: ear on his right, dusty blue eyes (like my dad's), long feather duster eye lashes, squishy button nose, soft squishily kissable cheeks.

Miss Priss captured this one! I like it.

I just can't get over how adorable this boy is.

Self shoe portrait by Miss Priss. :)

Hamming it up on the way home.

Mr. SweetSweet was poopy (I didn't know it at the time), wet from spilled milk, sleep deprived from refusing to nap, snotty nosed....basically....not a happy camper on the way home! :(

Another great on captured by Miss Priss! A great one of both Katie and Brad. What a cute couple.

Thanks to Katie & Brad for making the trip!

We are thrilled for you guys!

Looking forward to many more visits over the next two years while we're close!

Capturing the Fuzziness

2010-08-29T21:54:00.000-04:00

Mr. SweetSweet and his fuzzy hair that we ADORE.

Hard at Play

Baby hands + blue eyes = Smitten Mama

Typical Mr. SweetSweet expression.

Practicing his babbling skills (He now says "Dada" AND "Mama"! It's about time! :)

See above in the "Smitten Mama" equation. A good dose of long eyelashes ups the ante.

F.U.Z.Z.Y. baby bird head!!!!!

Wet baby lips. Does it get any better?

My baby boy is getting too big, TOO fast!!!
He needs to stop growing, STAT.
OH, how we adore this boy!

Summer Time in AZ

2010-08-16T23:29:00.000-04:00

I swiped this cute Smilebox from my Mom.

Thanks, Mom, facilitating my lazy blogging-ness.

I've needed/wanted to write about our month long visit to Arizona from

late May to late June so here's a start with these pictures.

Enjoy!

Customize a picture slideshow

Kindergarten!!!

2010-08-15T23:41:00.000-04:00

Miss Priss started Kindergarten this week!

OH, she has been so excited for this!

Here are some pics of the "big day"!

CUTE.

I'll take the blame for the poses: I totally did that when I was five, too.

Pretty brown-eyed girl.

Huge backpack for a little girl, I know. But I wanted to her be able to grow with it.

The school gave us these stickers so the bus drivers and teachers would know where to direct them.

Going out to the bus stop. It's right in front of our house.

Convenient!

Waiting...

SAD, sad, sad.

I know.

Broke my heart.

She did this the first two days but didn't the rest of the week.

I felt it was best, overall, for her to ride the bus.

I think the mornings would be MUCH more stressful for everyone if I had to take her.

More yelling and nagging by me, more fussing by everyone, bleh.

Having to wake up both boys from naps to pick her up. More bleh.

So even though I hated seeing this sad, sad face...it will be better overall.

To offset the sad:

Adorable red, wet baby lips, fuzzy hair and blue eyes!

There.

All better. :)

I have to also record this sweet memory about the night before Miss Priss' first day of school:

Both Jonathan and I grew up with the tradition of our father's giving us a Father's Priesthood Blessing before we started the school year, so we wanted to continue that tradition with our children.

So for Family Home Evening Jonathan gave Miss Priss her first and his first Father's School Blessing.

It was a beautiful blessing. Miss Priss was (unusually :) reverent during the whole thing. Jonathan pronounced inspired words telling her of our love and her Heavenly Father's love for her. He blessed her to be a light, a good example, to those around her. He blessed her to be a delight to her teacher.

Afterwards Jonathan and I had a tender moment with Miss Priss, hugging our sweet girl and basking in the Spirit of the Lord that was there, confirming our love and the love of the Lord for her precious spirit.

We could tell that Miss Priss had felt something special, too, as she smiled through her tears. I asked her, "How do you feel?" And she said, "Happy." I told her that what she was feeling was the Holy Ghost telling her how much her Heavenly Father loved her.

It was a sweet, sweet moment that we will never forget.

We love our little girl!

Supper Time Slump?

2010-07-23T20:52:00.001-04:00

(click above for more info)

I don't mind the actual MAKING of dinner but I detest making menus, finding the sales and making up the shopping list.

E-Mealz.com saves the day!! Pay $1.25/week, choose the store, they find the sales, make a menu for you with recipes all on one page, give you a shopping list, keep you from pulling your hair out at supper time and actually ENJOY it with your family!

I've been using the Weight Watchers menu from Walmart going on three weeks now and have LOVED it. We haven't absolutely loved every single recipe they've had on there...but then again we don't absolutely LOVE everything that I make everyday anyway.

Endorsed by Dave Ramsey! And my Mom! That's sayin' A LOT. :)

Also, a portion of the proceeds for subscribing to E-Mealz goes to nourishing the starving children of Haiti.

So...pretty much, you should try this out.

Diagnosis: CIA

2010-07-20T15:26:00.000-04:00

I have a disease.

It is called chronic inexperienced arrogance-itis, or CIA.

I recently diagnosed myself with this disease and discovered that I've had it...all my life.

CIA is defined as the inflammation of the head and/or ego and is characterized by the following symptoms:

a) Thinking you know exactly how you will do everything, even though haven't done it...ever.
b) Saying and/or thinking, "When I'm a (_______) I will NEVER do/say (_______)."
c) Saying and/or thinking, "When I'm a (_______) I will ALWAYS do/say (_______)."

CIA became manifest in my life when, as I took in the mayhem of my house a few months ago, I thought, "MAN! If I had walked into this house even just a couple years ago I would have thought, "My house will never look like this. How can you even let it get this bad."

Blah blah blah BLAH.

What an arrogant thing for me to think! But I did. Before I had EVER had three children 4 and under.

BLECHY.

So I started to think about all the other possible manifestations of CIA that I have had over the course of my inexperienced years. Here's a few other "winners":

1) "How could you ever call your child a beast?!! I will never say my child is a beast."

2) "It is just so wrong to let your child cry in their bed. I will never do that."

3) "Of course I will exclusively breastfeed all of my children. Those who give up just didn't try hard enough or just don't understand how important it really is."

Well, guess what? Three children later, I now know:

1) Children can be beasts ...and that is the only word to describe it sometimes.

2) I know some children can learn to sleep well without having to cry. My 2nd child never had to. But my first??! Pffft. Joke. That's how we had to roll with her. And the same with my 3rd. Do I like it? No. But I've learned that some kids have to cry and I don't feel bad about it.

3) OH, how arrogant for me to think this!!!!! I had NO idea what I was talking about. Yeah, in theory I guess if you "tried" hard enough every woman could breastfeed exclusively...but I submit that sometimes there are more important things, such as, but not limited to, a sane mother who enjoys caring for their baby and a healthy, growing baby.

Now, I know that I am not cured of CIA, just because I realize I am infected with it. Here are a few "nevers" I have thought or said that MAY come to haunt me in the years to come:

1) I will NEVER home school.

(This is assuming the school system doesn't get so jacked up, in the morals it teaches, that I couldn't allow my children to be in that environment and....would have to pull them out and home school them. I hope it doesn't because...that thought terrifies me)

2) I will NEVER use cloth diapers.

(I actually hearing they work pretty well nowadays and aren't as much of a hassle as they used to be. But they do require a big investment up front. Who knows....)

3) I will NEVER like running for exercise.

(I have tried to "like" it in the past and even started training for a 5k when we lived in New Mexico. I got to 2 miles and....that's as far as I could go without passing out! BUT....this was in an area that was at 6,000 feet, so the air had less oxygen. I haven't tried it here yet....but it is closer to sea level. Hmmmm...)

Do you or does someone you love suffer from CIA?

Think about it....you probably do.

Matthew 7:1-5
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye."

Dear Miss Priss...

2010-07-18T23:30:00.000-04:00

***WARNING: This entry is EXTREMELY long. But I was on a roll and wanted to get this stuff down for my daughter to read someday. So proceed, if you wish. If you're not up to it...my feelings will not be hurt. :)***

You are FIVE years old, girlie!! How in the WORLD did you get so old, SO fast?!!

Thinking back on your little life makes me smile....

Your Daddy and I felt like it was time to invite you into our family after being married for just 7 months. We had planned on waiting until we had been married at least one year, so I could finish my first year of nursing school.

But there was one week where both your dad and I felt like someone was missing from our new family. I specifically remember walking to the post office to check the mail, which was just around the corner from our tiny garage apartment in Thatcher, Arizona and feeling like I SHOULD be pushing my baby in a stroller. Except I didn't have a baby yet. After a week of feeling like this, but not talking to your Dad about it, I finally brought up the subject. He admitted that he, too, had felt like someone was missing whenever we went somewhere.

We decided we should pray about how we were feeling and after finishing our prayer together I remember both of us smiling and feeling SO good inside about inviting a baby into our home. We were SO excited, thinking about it and knew it was the right thing for us to do.

We found out that I was pregnant in October of 2004. I bought multiple pregnancy tests just to be sure and there was NO doubt about it, after seeing multiple sets of pink lines! I had a relatively easy pregnancy, not getting sick in the beginning much at all. I did feel a slight nausea all day for the first trimester but it wasn't bad as long as I snacked often. I only threw up twice, and it was just because I had a hyperactive gag reflex that happened when I brushed my teeth!

I was very busy, when I was pregnant with you, because I was in my first year of nursing school! When I was newly pregnant with you I did a rotation through the surgery department. I was observing a surgery and suddenly felt VERY lightheaded, like I was about to pass out! Not because I was grossed out by it but because I hadn't eaten enough that morning and my blood sugar was low! One of the nurses took my to the break room and gave me some orange juice and crackers and I confessed to her that I was pregnant. I also remember being able to REALLY smell all the smells of the nursing home I did my clinical at, YUCK!

The 2nd semester was SO great for me, since I got to learn all about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and child development. I soaked up all that knowledge like a sponge! I loved doing my rotations in labor and delivery and in the nursery, just dreaming about how I would soon be in that same place, delivering my first child!

When I was about 20 weeks we got to see an ultrasound of you, to make sure all your parts were working correctly and....and find out if you were a boy or a girl! I really felt like you were a girl from the beginning and...and I was right! We were so happy to be having a girl!

I loved feeling you move around inside me. It was so special to know you were a living little person in there. You got the hiccups all the time! When you got really big you had your head down and loved to pushed your little bum up into my ribs, ouch! I was always pushing you back down, out of my ribs. We could also feel one of your little feet and could move it around, when it got to be close to your due date.

I got to have THREE baby showers before you were born! One in St. David, hosted by your Grandma Mayberry, another put on by my nursing school class for me and two other girls who had babies around the same time, and one more hosted by my Aunt Carol at my Aunt Celeste's house in Thatcher for my friends there. I got LOADED up with so much fun stuff! I don't think I had to buy many clothes for you for a couple years!

When I was 6 weeks away from my due date your dad and I moved from Thatcher to Silver City, NM, which was about 1 1/2 hours away, so your dad could start working on his bachelor's degree at Western New Mexico University. I couldn't do much, moving wise, so I just did LOTS of packing and cleaning. We were so excited to move into our new apartment! It was quite a "step up" for us, moving from the garage apartment to a 500 square foot, two bedroom apartment! Having an actual bedroom with a DOOR was GREAT! We got your room set up pretty quickly, using hand-me-down or 2nd hand EVERYTHING, including a crib and changing table from one of my science professors at EA (your dad says I was a teacher's pet :); a dresser from my parents, which used to belong to your Uncle Jacob; a rocking chair from my Aunt Lori; a high chair and bouncer from my Aunt Martha and a swing from my cousin, Esther. I think the only things we had to buy new was a carseat and stroller!

About 2 weeks before my due date, which was July 9th, right before your dad went to one of his summer school classes I sneezed....and thought my water had broken. So we went to the hospital to have it checked but....nope! I had just wet myself when I sneezed! Embarrassing! A week later, though, on Sunday, July 3rd I started noticing some unusual cramping at church. They were pretty far apart and weren't very strong but they started to get more and more regular as the day went on. After dinner we went for a walk around the neighborhood to see if we could get things going more. That helped a bit. We went back to the apartment and played Yahtzee (for the first time) and waited to see if things would get more intense. After about an hour of having fairly strong and regular contractions about 5 minutes apart we decided to head to the hospital. It was around 7:00pm. I was so excited!

After we got checked in to the tiny labor and delivery department at Gila Regional Medical Center (it only had four L&D rooms!) the nurse, who was the only one there and was a travel nurse (so was new to the hospital) came to see how far I was dilated. I was only at 3cm, darn! But my contractions seemed to be getting stronger and were now 3-4 minutes apart so I was admitted. The nurse advised me to walk around the hospital to see if it would help move things along. It did, to me anyway! I had to stop and breathe through contractions more by the time I had walked a couple laps. So I went back to the room to get checked again. Still 3 cm. That was disappointing, since I really felt like things were getting more intense! The nurse called the doctor around 11:00 pm to see what we should do. She told me that the doctor felt like my contractions weren't strong enough of close enough together and that I should just go home and come back when things picked up more. That was SO disheartening to hear! I asked if I could talk to the doctor but the nurse told me that I shouldn't wake the doctor again. I didn't have the greatest feelings toward that nurse! I felt like she had downplayed my status to the doctor. But this being my first time in labor...I just did as I was told and didn't stick up for myself.

So the nurse gave me some pills to help me "sleep" and discharged us. We went back home to find my whole family asleep at our house. They had come straight from a family reunion at Mt Graham near Thatcher so they could be there to see their first grandchild/niece! Your dad and I got ready for bed and....your dad had a great rest that night! I, on the other hand.....not so much. I took the sleeping pill and dozed in between each contraction, which were still coming every 4ish minutes. I felt really groggy from that pill but it didn't help me sleep at all. I spent the whole night laying in bed and thinking of each contraction as a big, dark cloud, full of black smoke and as each contraction ended I would blow all that black smoke out and think, "I don't ever have to feel THAT contraction again." I did that all night until 7:00 am, since I refused to go back to the hospital if that nurse was still on shift. So at 7:00 am sharp I called the doctor. The midwife, Gail, who worked with the doctor called me back. I talked to her as I knelt at the edge of the bed swaying my hips back and forth, hardly able to talk to her through the contractions. I BEGGED her to PLEASE let me get an epidural! I was SO tired and didn't think I could take the pain much longer! She assured me that, yes, I could definitely get an epidural if that was what I felt I needed.

I quickly brushed my teeth and gathered my things and hobbled to our car. Even though it took only about 10 minutes, that car ride to the hospital was NOT comfortable! When we got there I didn't feel like I could get out and walk into the hospital so your dad had a wheelchair brought out and I was wheeled into L&D. I was definitely admitted that time, for good, because I was now dilated to 7 cm! And I found out later, after talking to my midwife, Gail, that I probably shouldn't have been sent home the night before!! GRRRR.

A nurse anesthetist came in soon after I got there and I professed my love to her profusely! The epidural got placed pretty quickly and I felt immediate and complete relief from the contractions! It was GLORIOUS! I did start to get a little lightheaded, though, after it was placed so I lay on my left side and had an oxygen mask on me for awhile. I labored quite comfortably for a couple hours and got checked again and found out I was fully dilated and could start pushing.

Miss Priss.....you had a BIG head, plus with the epidural I couldn't feel how to push AT ALL, so you took 2 1/2 HOURS to push out!!! It really wasn't too bad,since I couldn't feel anything. I did get pretty tired, though! Your dad and my mom held my legs as I pushed. Gail, the nurse midwife was AMAZING and did a really good job at encouraging me and massaging me so that I wouldn't tear as much. I joked as I was pushing, using a line from "The Princess Bride"..."Slow going?" because I would push and you would come out a little, then go back in. But FINALLY you decided to come out and what a beautiful moment that was! You were a big girl, weighing 8 lbs 9 oz and 21 1/2 inches long! You looked little to me, at the time, but now I didn't have anything to compare to! Now I know that, yep! You were a big girl! You were so beautiful, with dark hair and deep gray eyes. The first thing I noticed about you was your cute button nose, with a wrinkle of chubby skin above your nose. You were so sweet and your Daddy and I were just in awe that you were OURS, forever!

Oh, and did I mention that you we thought it was SO fun that you were born on the 4th of July??! We think it's one of the coolest holiday birthdays! I'll never forget sitting in my hospital room, snuggling your little body, while watching the fireworks go off outside my hospital window!

Fast forward FIVE YEARS and you are a smart, sassy, funny, thoughtful, compassionate little girl, with beautiful brown eyes, long dark eyelashes, rosy cheeks, red lips and long legs! OH, you have led us on quite an adventure in parenthood, Miss Priss! You have stumped us too many times to count and have left us wondering what on EARTH to do in this or that situation with you! You have been so alert and curious about the world around you, asking questions that I usually don't have a good answer to. Bedtime has NEVER been your favorite and you just think that life would be SO much better if you never had to sleep. You are just missing out on SO many exciting things when you have to sleep. BUT...we have learned that you NEED to sleep 11-12 hours every night in order for you to be pleasant to be around. You will do everything in your power to stall bedtime. Every night before we walk out you will say, "Mom, Mom, Mom!! Ummmm....(thinking just ONE more question to ask)......***insert odd, off the wall question*** Then in the morning you are the perkiest thing alive, ready to conquer the world!

You feel all of your feelings VERY deeply! If you are mad...you are VERY mad. If you are sad....you are VERY sad. But if you are happy or excited or concerned about someone you are very happy, VERY excited and VERY concerned about that person. We are hoping to help channel your ability to feel things deeply into something that will be of great use in your life.

I hope and pray, every day, that I will be the best mother I can be to you. I know that I fall short OFTEN, not being as patient or attentive as I should be. I hope you'll still turn out okay, despite my faults as your mother.

You are about to start kindergarten and I have VERY mixed feelings about it! I worry that you will be overwhelmed by the large class sizes in this school district. I don't want you to be "lost in the crowd" and have your ability to learn suppressed by that. I worry about kids being mean to you. You are my baby girl and I don't want anything bad to happen to you! I'm hoping there will just be an adjustment period and then you will be fine after that.

Well, Miss Priss, I just felt like I should write some of my feelings about you, in honor of you turning 5 years old and express to you my love and commitment to and gratitude for being your mother!

I love you, Baby Girl!

Love,
Your Mommy :)

Oooohhhh!!!!!

2010-05-23T23:43:00.000-04:00

So people HAVE been commenting on my blog!

I was starting to feel, well, a little sad that NO ONE had commented on ANY of my posts on my new blog!

I had even had it set up to send my new posts directly to 10 email addresses (parents, siblings, grandparents) and NO ONE had commented.

OR.....

So this new-to-public-blogging blogger thought!

I forgot ONE teensy, tiny thing:

COMMENT MODERATION!

I set it up to approve all comments before they are posted BUT I totally forgot about it AND forgot to put down my email address to send new comments to.

So YAAAAAAAAAAY for comments!!!

I had something like 33 new comments to approve when I finally got a clue tonight!

You have NO idea how giddy I am now.

Thank you for commenting....I forgive you for not commenting when you really did and I just didn't know what I was doing!

MUAH.

I don't wanna say it

2010-05-17T22:17:00.000-04:00

"How do you say goodbye
When you never want it to end?
Why can't we just pretend
We'll never say goodbye."

This is my lovely friend, Emily Pond Ricks.
(Yes, shes' the one who's button is on my side bar. Click on it!)
Her husband is now officially Dr. Ricks, since he just graduated from dental school.
And now it's time for him to make some money BEING a dentist.
Which means Emily has to actually go WITH her husband to said job.
In Colorado.
And I am SOOOOO happy for them!

BUT
I just can't believe I have to say goodbye to her!
She has been my surrogate spouse, when Jonathan has been MIA.
Jonathan just became used to the idea that I WOULD be home late when I was with her.
We had the greatest talks.
The greatest laughs.
And cries.
We shared some amazing musical moments together,
with her as the vocalist and me as accompanist.

She has been my partner in crime these past two years.

I love her like a sister!

Which is why I don't feel like this goodbye will be forever.
So I'm not gonna say it.

***The poem above is actually the lyrics to a song I sang at a show choir camp in Ohio the summer before my Junior year of high school. Yeah, I know, random. But I haven't forgotten the song and it totally fit. So I used it. I don't know who wrote it, sorry. Please forgive me, Copyright police.***

While the Boys Are Away...

2010-05-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

I just have to say: I am VERY impressed with Jonathan. He broke our never-camping-with-our-children streak and I am very proud of him.

We had been holding out due to the fact that......Well, for starters we're kind of not adventurous, when it comes to taking our kids outside of our comfort zone.

We also don't have a lick of camping gear.

BUT this last weekend was the "Father & Son's" camp for our ward and Jonathan took David!

The gear problem was solved by borrowing stuff (duh!).

As you can see, Miss Priss was also thrilled for them.

NOT.

We are learning about being happy for other people and she is starting to get it.

But throwing Mr. Squish into that equation makes it especially difficult.

"Being happy for" him doesn't equate for her yet.

This is where being an awesome, fun, creative mom comes into play.

(I'd also like to acknowledge Chick-Fil-A and an Ariel nightgown that came with a wand and slippers from Kohl's, plus a 20% off coupon, for helping to make me awesome, fun and creative).

I'd also like to recognize Mr. SweetSweet for being, well, adorable.

Received this pic from Jonathan via his camera phone attempting bedtime in a tent with Mr. Squish.

Got a text a few hours later from Joanthan saying, "Attempting round two now that it is dark."

Jonathan & Mr. Squish came back safe and sound the next morning with a camping success story to tell!

We are now contemplating a family camping trip.

*GASP*

That is, after we purchase a tent and sleeping bags.

Becoming A Real Mom

2010-05-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

I overheard one of my aunts tell another aunt that you aren't a "real" mom until you have at least three kids.

I thought, at the time, "That's not true. And kinda rude to mom's with less than three kids!"

Well, um...

I can't help but think she was kinda right.

Sorry, mom's with one and two kids.

Looking back on being a mom to one child.....it totally seems like she was just a fun "accessory."

Now, I KNOW that at the time, being a new mom was sometimes VERY hard. It totally was!

But now? In hindsight, it was a piece of cake. She was like my little doll I got to dress up and hang out with and go on walks with and go shopping with and read books to. OH, it was fun being a mom of one!

Well, what about two kids then? Wasn't it difficult transitioning to two kids? YES! But compared to this time it seems like I was able to fall into a pretty good routine fairly quickly. I got a good cleaning schedule going, read my scriptures, worked out almost everyday, kept up with the laundry fairly well, had our kitchen well stocked most of the time, took the kids outside everyday, etc.

I may be looking back on it through "rose colored glasses"...I probably am.

But THREE??!

I am not anywhere NEAR back to normal yet. It is definitely better now that Mr. SweetSweet is on a good sleep schedule...but I still find myself just barely keeping my head above water with everything I want/need to get done daily!

If I exercise during Mr. SweetSweet's morning nap then I have to push my shower back to his 2nd nap, which doesn't always happen if both the boys don't take good afternoon naps. And when all the kids are awake? Forget about getting any house work done! There is just NO TIME, in between feeding, changing diapers, breaking up fights, etc. I can MAYBE get one little thing done daily, like a load of laundry or dishes unloaded or make dinner or vacuum.

Then there's the ever important daily scripture study that just hasn't found it's "niche" into my daily routine. This one I feel the worst about because I know I NEED it to get through the day, more than a shower or having the toilet clean.

So.....

.....I have come to a conclusion that I am NOT excited about: I need more time in the day. And the only way to get that time is........to get up earlier.

I have been able to get by very well up until three kids getting all I needed done without having to wake up before the kids. But I think I'm really going to have to become a real mom and buck up and do it.

I recall doing a Personal Progress achievement for Young Women when I was about 17 where I was supposed to talk to mother's I respect and ask them what one important quality a mother needs to have. When I asked my mom about it she thought for a while and said, "Learn to get up early. Before your kids do. It will be the only time you can truly have to yourself."

I remember thinking: "Yeah! That totally makes sense! I am going to get into that habit NOW!"

Pffffft. Yeah right. That lasted for about a week. This is the Piddle Queen you are talking to! I go to bed at 12:30 am regularly. Have for a LONG time. And I've gotten by fine doing this....up until now.

I am really starting to feel it, these days. As are the dark, puffy bags under my eyes.

Sigh.

Will power, come be my friend, please? I am a Real Mom now...that needs to act like one! Which I guess....sigh....includes waking up early.

Maybe I'll look like this, someday, when I wake up in the morning?

OH, I hope so.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:45:00.001-04:00

We don't have many shots of us with all the kids.

So today was the perfect day for doing it.

Daddy and his three munchkins.

Mr. SweetSweet looks so big in this one and it makes me SO sad.

I want to just push "pause" on him and make him stay little for a while.

I love the 5-7 month stage!

My three darling children.

I am so blessed to be their mother.

Our Life -- April & May 2010 Style

2010-05-09T21:37:00.005-04:00

Things can get pretty silly around here...

Miss Priss (who learned how to cross her eyes at 18ish months)

showing off her pretty, but albeit goofy looking, brown eyes.

Okay. My kids NEVER do this. And...maybe it's because I'm usually the "Nap Nazi" and they usually don't even get a chance...but my Nap Nazi ways slackened up a bit when I was still in the adjusting to three kids stage. Pffft! Who am I kidding? I am STILL in the adjustment phase! But doing better with naps again.

But it's pretty cute anyway! Notice the half eaten granola bar and the beloved fire truck that Jonathan picked up at Goodwill for $2.

My blue-eyed little boys! But I love that their blues are totally different! Mr. Squish's blues are from my dad and Mr. SweetSweet's are from Jonathan's dad. I'm so glad they like each other.

Mr. SweetSweet tried out rice cereal around 4 months and wasn't too interested. Maybe it was the Bumbo. I heard rave reviews about it and picked this one up at "Once Upon a Child" (children's 2nd hand store) but Mr. SweetSweet hasn't really liked it much yet. But we're trying cereal again and he is now starting to dive bomb the spoon...so I think he is now interested.

Annnnnd....of course there's just your everyday, run-of-the-mill shot of what's next to the kitchen sink.

What??!
You don't have a set of dentures made by a ridiculously handsome man in between your Lysol and Epsom salt?

Weirdos.

On why it is cool to be jondace

2010-04-25T21:52:00.000-04:00

So, I'm not going to do any grand opening introduction to my new, public blog. I'm just gonna pick up from where I left off on my private one. I will say, though, that I'm excited to be able to let LOTS more people read my blog! People will be able to "subscribe" to my blog! I will be on blog readers! I'm movin' up in the world!

Apparently, I am very desirable. More than 100 people want to keep up with me (I could only invite 100 readers to my private blog). I am flattered!

Having said that, I am wary of putting names, dates and places on here so that will be an adjustment.

I like my kids' code names, so far. I think I'll probably shorten each of their names, though.

"Miss Priss" (Miss P) says it ALL! She is all girl and all drama! Or as I defined "dramatic" to her today: "It means you have very BIG feelings!" But we love our girl with big feelings. Her big feelings means that she is very compassionate. Very imaginative. LOVES to be excited and laugh. Asks very thoughtful questions. Is smart as all get out! LOVES to dance and will talk your head in circles about when she will F.I.N.A.L.L.Y be old enough to wear "toe shoes" for ballet.

"Mr. Squish" (Mr. S) really is the most squishy boy you'll ever kiss or snuggle! It doesn't mean that he's chunky, because he is definitely NOT that (he still can wear some 18 month stuff!). But it DOES mean that when he snuggles...he MELTS into you and will let you snuggle him for as long as your arms can stand it! His cheeks are so kissable! He loves to giggle, build "big, BIG car transporters," and LOVES all other modes of transportation. His favorite, of late, is the Ford F-350 Super Duty. :) Jonathan says we need to get him a classic car book so he can start memorizing those, too. We love our Mr. Squish.

Mr. SweetSweet (Mr. SS) is....just ADORED by his whole family! He is such a joy! You can make him smile no matter what mood he's in. We think he is a good mix of both Jonathan & I, with his looks. He has Jonathan's eyes, ears, feet, hands & loooong body, my smile (and dimple!), my dad's nose & eyebrows and Jonathan's dad's deep blue eye color. We are loving his blossoming little personality which is VERY curious! He notices little details. When I'm feeding him I have to keep my wedding ring hidden or else he will get distracted and try to grab it. When we are holding him facing forward he cranes his neck around to see what ever we are doing (which is usually eating!). He is doing really well in the sleep department. Goes down AWAKE without too much of a fuss for naps and at night and wakes 1-2 times within 12 hours at night. He is growing so (and in my opinion, too) fast!

I feel like I'm getting to the point where, in some ways, having three kids is starting to feel "normal." I think it REALLY helps to have Mr. SS on a pretty good routine. I've been able to be fairly regular with exercising the past two weeks (even if it's only 10 minutes a day!) and get in a shower MOST days. This is huge! I've been doing Weight Watchers again and have lost 12 pounds so far! WW rocks. I have about 12 more pounds to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and then I'd like to lose an additional 12ish pounds to get to where I feel "just right."

But I've still got a ways to go in other areas before I can feel totally back to "normal". I'm still trying to get a handle on the laundry department; how can ONE extra little person make SO much more laundry??! Pretty much ALL housework in general, except dishes and an occasional run of the vacuum, has gone to pot. I've seriously thought about hiring a maid to help me just get my house back to normal and to a place where I can maintain...but I feel like I'm in over my head right now! Be GONE clutter and nastiness!

Keeping up with the grocery shopping and planning meals has been hit or miss the past month or so. I'll get on a good roll and makes some yummy stuff (Prevention Magazine is my fav for that, of late!) for about a week...then I can't make it to the grocery store very easily the next week and we end up eating cereal and Taco Bell. Oh well...I really am making progress!

I am really trying to figure out how to carve scripture study and some quiet time for myself to ponder and pray each day. It's probably my most difficult task! What does it really matter if my toilet is dirty for awhile...but what about my relationship with my Father in Heaven? That is something I don't think I can afford to let go by the wayside.

HA! Come to think of it....it's actually my dirty toilet that I end up using, most of the time, for a few minutes of peace and quiet! Oh the irony!

Jonathan is pluggin' along with his 2nd year of dental school. Just one more month and he gets to start working on REAL! patients in the clinic! Watch out! heehee. No, really, he is very good and I have no doubt he will do well and like working in the clinic. "They" say that life gets easier your 3rd year of dental school so that is nice to hear! "They" also said that 2nd year would be TERRIBLE...but it really hasn't been awful. Test weeks are pretty much the only points of stress but that's just once a month. The rest of the month is pretty manageable.

Well, I think this is a good start for my new blog. Thanks for stoppin' in!